


constrict

by vagarius



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, kazunari-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagarius/pseuds/vagarius
Summary: Empathy can be a tragic thing.less poetically: feeling things hurts
Relationships: Miyoshi Kazunari & Sakisaka Muku
Comments: 20
Kudos: 76





	constrict

**Author's Note:**

> kazunari strikes me as the type of person who is especially affected by other people's moods, especially if they're negative ones. anyway this fic is an absolute mess but i hope someone will appreciate it anyway. cheers!

"Hah," Kazunari sighs, collapsing into his desk chair.

_Why are you sighing? You have nothing to complain about._

He presses his face into his arms. "I know," he mumbles. "Snap out of it."

His chest still feels tight, though, like a phantom hand gripping his heart. In his mind he sees his friends' sour faces, lips twisted at odd angles, lines drawn bitterly across their skin.

_"There are still other chances, you know? The professor even said he'd give a make-up!"_

_"You wouldn't understand, Kazu. You did fine."_

_"I still can't fucking believe this. The prof really thought it was okay to pull this shit?"_

_"I mean, he was – "_

_"Don't defend him, Kazunari. You know he was being an asshole."_

_"Just because you managed to still do good doesn't mean you need to rub it in our faces."_

_"Ugh, I still can't believe this shit."_

"You wouldn't understand," he repeats. "You did fine."

The hand around his heart tightens. It's hard to breathe.

His phone chimes. It's probably time for dinner, he thinks. He doesn't feel hungry, but he needs to be at the dinner table. Everyone is home, for once, and he needs to be there.

Kazunari takes a shaky breath before launching himself upward. He pulls his lips into a smile. _I have nothing to complain about._

Dinner is… hard. Kazunari hates that it is, because it _shouldn't_ be. He eats quietly, taking steady bites despite his nonexistent appetite. He stays at the table after he finishes like he usually does, waiting for the high schoolers to finish their tall tales and the cook – Omi, today – to finish his meal surrounded by grateful dormmates. He laughs, and he smiles, and he does his best to make eye contact even though it's causing him physical pain, right now. There's no reason for it to, so it's fine. It's fine.

Kazunari lifts his glass to his lips, and finds it hard to swallow.

He finally excuses himself, and pours the rest of his water in the sink; the idea of drinking or eating anything more right now makes him feel vaguely sick.

He plops down onto his desk chair again, his fingers itching to draw. His hands are shaking. _Fuck,_ he thinks, _fuck._

"Kazu-kun?" a voice calls out, and Kazunari starts. He didn't even hear Muku enter the room. "Are you… okay?"

"Hm?" He looks up from his desk and smiles widely, even though it hurts. It hurts so bad. "Of course!"

Muku startles and blinks at him, then holds his hands out like he wants to touch him but isn't sure if he should, or how to do it. "Kazu-kun?"

Kazunari tilts his head. "What is it, Mukkun?"

Muku still looks startled. "You're – you're crying, Kazu-kun."

"Eh?" Kazunari blinks, then brings his fingers to his cheek. They pull away wet. "Huh, I wonder why..." Kazunari sniffles. His chest hurts so bad. Just looking at Muku is taking all his concentration. "I have no reason to cry. I'm..." Kazunari swallows. It hurts. It hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much? "Fuck," he mumbles, as more tears stream down his face. _I have nothing to complain about._

Muku pulls him to his chest. At some point, Kazunari starts to laugh.

Muku jumps at the sound, his arms briefly pulling away before tightening around Kazunari once more. His hold is warm, and comforting. Kazunari feels a bit disgusting.

"Ah, haha… I'm sorry, Mukkun." He takes a shallow breath, then laughs again. "I'm – I'm sorry. I don't know why…"

_You wouldn't understand._

_Ugh, I still can't believe this shit._

_You have nothing to complain about._

"There's nothing wrong, so why am I – "

The hand around his heart squeezes, then doesn't stop. It hurts so badly. Why does it hurt so badly?

Kazunari lifts his arms, then clutches at his roommate's back. He clenches his eyes shut.

_"Why do I care so much?"_

His throat feels raw. It feels like he screamed. But the voice that left his mouth sounded like a whisper, barely an exhale. Muku might not have even heard him.

It doesn't seem to matter, though. Muku's arms remain around him, steady but not crushing. He's pretty sure his heart has collapsed inside his chest, but that means the tightness is subsiding, the phantom hand having nothing left to constrict in its ghostly fingers. He's still crying. He feels sick.

It's… okay, though. He feels okay.

Like this, he can breathe a little easier.


End file.
